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Shaking Things Up a Bit

March 10, 2010 by guidedsolutions

“A great thought begins by seeing something differently, with a shift of the mind’s eye.”  - Albert Einstein

It is easy for us to slip into auto-pilot mode when it comes to life because so much of our lives are tied to schedules and routines and it becomes easy to allow the flow of that to carry us from one day into the next.

But, every now and then, we feel that inner stirring to shake things up a bit.  That feeling seems to be in the air for me right now.  This week, I found myself changing my daily routine just a little, my friend wrote this post on her blog about putting on shoes to start her day, and my nearest and dearest decided to step outside the box yesterday and did things a little differently than usual.  What each of us found was that in the act of making a small change, we ended up feeling a big impact.

What I love is that it feels exciting, creative and fun.  I’m feeling more energized and inspired.  In shaking things up a bit, I’m seeing things differently, my curiosity is piqued and the result is a whole new creative flow to coming into my life.  Things look different to me and as a result, things are changing.

Sometimes we hold back from making changes because we believe we have to make a big change. There are times when that may be required, but often, we can just tweak things a little and find the ripples to be far reaching.  We think that if we’re unhappy we have to do something big like quit or job or move, but just looking at things differently and making a minor adjustment can create the momentum we need to get us where we want to be.  The act of looking at it differently or doing something a little different, can easily set us forth on a whole new course.

Shaking things up can be simple as simple as taking a different route to work, making time for a coffee in a busy day, waking up ten minutes earlier, sitting in a different chair.  It can be stopping ourselves from an argument with a loved one, taking a moment to appreciate someone, treating someone as a surprise.  It can be anything because making small changes allows us to see things differently and experience new things.

I encourage you to experiment with this a little.  Find some small way to shake things up a bit in your routine and see what happens.

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Death and Life

March 7, 2010 by guidedsolutions

“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying.  Then we might live to the limit, every minute of every day.  Do it, I say.  Whatever you want to do, do it now.”  ~ Pope John Paul VI

It is the eve of the anniversary of my father’s passing and I’m finding myself in quiet reflection.  He passed several years ago now.  Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, sometimes it seems like just a few weeks.

I am inspired by my mother who decided to approach this day remembering fun memories and time spent with him.  In my efforts to do this, I found myself missing the “physical-ness” of him this year…our conversations, his wisdom and just being around him.   Each year seems to present a different opportunity for me to grieve and reflect, as I’m sure it does for others too.

Culturally, we are uncomfortable with death.  It is difficult, it is painful, it is uncomfortable.  But, death has a way of reminding us about life and that is an important gift for all of us.

It helps us remember the importance of making the most of our time here, of living our lives fully.  It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day stressors of life (paying the bills, doing our jobs, running from one event to the next) and we forget to make the most of the moments we have been given.  One of the gifts death gives us is the reminder to really live while we can.

It also helps to remind us that no matter how hard we try to control things external to us, there will be times when things happen that are beyond our control.  The gift in this is the discovery that our true power lies not in controlling things outside of ourselves, but in how we choose to react and feel about things that happen.  In our darkest moments of grief this can seem impossible and not comforting at all.  But as time helps us begin to heal, we do find greater strength and comfort knowing we have the power to view things differently and feel better when we are ready to and nothing outside of us can change that.

Death also reminds us of the importance of our relationships and our connections with others.  One of the gifts my family and I found in my father’s passing was to ensure we connect in a way that leaves no room for regret.  The true gift and joy in life is found in our relationships with others and experiences we have along the way.  Making sure we honour these as often as we can is tremendous gift to ourselves and those we love.

As I sit in my many reflections this weekend, I am reminded of these very important life lessons and thankful that the sadness and pain of death also carries with it these beautiful gifts of life too.

My heart goes out to all who are grieving at this time too.   

I encourage everyone to take these lessons to heart and embrace the wisdom they impart. 

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Looking for the Open Door

March 2, 2010 by guidedsolutions

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

I’ve just returned home after a wonderful vacation.  It was busy and fun, full of people and conversations, new adventures and delight;  a wonderful winter getaway.  Just before we came home, I was asked, “What are you going to do when you get home?”

In the moment, I hadn’t even thought of it.  I was still enjoying the glorious sun and marvelling in the last moments of holiday bliss.  In fact, I didn’t really think about this question again until today, when I arrived home and found myself in a cold, quiet house with nothing exciting on the calendar.  I felt oddly unsettled.

In my post-travel, weary state, I felt sad and lonely and disappointed all at once.  I felt like my fun travels and adventures had come to a screeching halt and I was back in reality…but a reality that no longer seemed appealing to me.

I know I’ve felt this before.  How many of us have the blues in January, a let down after the holiday excitement?  How many women experience a dip in their joy upon return from their honeymoon when they realize all the planning, excitement and thrill of their wedding is now over?  How often do we plan for something wonderful, enjoy it in the moment but when it’s over, feel a sense of loss?

Today, I found myself missing the excitment and thrill of travel and I found myself wishing my life were different.  I was unconsciously focusing on what I didn’t have and that was keeping me from appreciating what I do have.

When I stopped to look at the reality of the situation though, I realized that I didn’t really want to be on vacation forever.  My body feels tired from our exhaustive holiday schedule, would I really want to be that busy all the time?  No!  My body needs a rest, I am needing some balance.  And, the constant companionship was wonderful, but weren’t there times, even in this utopia (as I was creating it in my mind) when I was looking for a little space on our vacation for some quiet reflection?  Yes!

I started to shift my thinking and I realized I could come home and feel empty and lonely and sad.  But, I could also come home and enjoy some time to reflect and do things I couldn’t do on the trip.  I could feel bad about not having more exciting things booked on this month’s calendar, or I could choose to see this month as an exciting new canvas where anything and everything is possible and all sorts of new ideas, adventures and experiences are about to unfold.

We always get to choose how we look at things and how we feel about our situations in life.  Sometimes, it is more difficult, sometimes it is easier, but it is always our choice. 

I realized that my default today was to go to the place of sadness and loss.  Thankfully, a larger part of me didn’t want to keep focusing my time and attention on these things.  What I really wanted was to feel better.  Today was a good reminder for me that I get to choose how I feel and where I focus my attention.   I remembered that a little change in perspective can make a big difference in how I feel.

I encourage you to become more aware of your defaults, what you are feeling and how you could turn yourself around and find what is working and what feels better in your life.  Will you choose to look at the door that just closed, or the one that has opened?

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Sharing Our Stories

February 19, 2010 by guidedsolutions

“Stories are the creative conversion of life itself into a more powerful, clearer, more meaningful experience. They are the currency of human contact.” — Robert McKee

Those who know me know I am a storyteller.  I love the magic and connection that occurs when we take the experiences of our lives and share that wisdom with others.  We can learn so much about ourselves, each other and connect in a meaningful way, when we are willing to share our stories with one another.

Stories bring people together.  They help us know we are not alone, they help us know we are alike.  Stories help us realize we all struggle and triumph in life and though they may look different on the surface they are the same underneath.

There was a time when I felt scared to share my stories.  I felt insecure and didn’t want anyone to see my imperfections.  I wore them like armour; weighing me down and thinking they were protecting me.  But like armour, it was only a facade that kept me away from being open to others.  I started to share my stories with friends and quickly realized there was something very healing going on.

Over the years, I have found that my stories are more relateable and healing than I could have imagined.  I’ve had new moms thank me for my honesty about motherhood.  I’ve had people appreciate my stories because they’ve found hope in what I’ve said.  And I’ve experienced moments of great healing as I’ve connected with another human going through a similar experience.  The common thread in all of these experiences has been my willingness to share my stories and in doing so, reach out and connect.

I don’t believe my stories are more extraordinary than anyone else’s.  I believe this connection occurred because I’m willing to be open, to be honest and share my story allowing it  to move people in a deeply profound way.

Sharing our story has gotten a bit of a bad rap over time.  Largely because the definition in those instances is one where a person believes they are their story.  It is important to know that we have a collection of stories but we are NOT our stories.  Staying stuck in a story that keeps us from moving forward or dictates how we live is not productive.  But sharing who we are, in our honest and positive reflection, can be healing on many levels.  Sharing our story can give us new insight and clarity, it can help others see themselves and their experiences differently and it helps us share special moments with one another. 

Storytelling can be an empowering way to connect and reach out to others.  Sometimes it is through laughter, sometimes through tears, but always from one heart to another.

I encourage you to be open to sharing your story or hearing someone’s story when they share it with you.  There are many messages and gifts that can come from us reaching out and sharing our experiences honestly and openly with one another.

I encourage you to share a story from your heart when you feel called to share and see the magic and joy that is created.

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Love

February 15, 2010 by guidedsolutions

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness.  And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.  Love one another but make not a bond of love:  let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.  Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.  Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.  Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.  Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.  Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.  For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.  And stand together, yet not too near together:  for the pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”  Khalil Gibran

This beautiful quote is what love is all about.

We have somehow gotten off-track when it comes to love.  We associate love with ownership of one another and dependence; each partner looking to the other to make them feel more complete, happier, loved.  Intellectually, we understand that we don’t complete one another and that it’s not desireable to be dependent on the other.  But when things are difficult in life, we find it easy to place the blame on our partner.  “If only they’d be different.”  And when we fall in love, we falsely give the power of the emotion away and think it is because of the other person…instead of seeing that it comes from within. 

True love is the coming together of two people.  And when those two people are full of life, living their dreams, doing their own personal work, being consciously aware and accountable to themselves and their partner, something really beautiful occurs.  They bring this back to one another and to their relationship and together…they SOAR!

True love is about making sure we fill ourselves up, so we have that to bring back to our partner and to our relationship.  True love is about making sure we have love and joy in our own hearts, so we can share that with others.  True love is about finding a way to love ourselves and our life so we have love to give and to share.

When we look to each other for love or happiness, we find we are always running out.  But, when we find love in our hearts and share that with others, it seems to be an endless stream.

I encourage you to live your best life for yourself and do whatever work you need to do to find everything you seek on your own.  When you bring that to a relationship, you’ll find it expands tenfold.

I’m wishing you love.

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Joyful Places

February 10, 2010 by guidedsolutions

I wrote this blog  about my intention to focus on joy in 2010 and this blog about the importance of community.  I thought I’d share some websites that I find to be uplifting and fun…and most of all, full of JOY!

My Everyday Magic - I love this site that encourages people to look for the blessings in their everyday lives.  I’ve found that when I look for joy, I find more joy in my life.

Laughter is good for the soul and Comedian Brian Stollery makes me laugh.  You can find his hilarious new CD is available here .  Laughter is a great way to feel more joy, so I encourage you to check it out.

Abundance by Magic is a site full of people all over the world gifting strangers with money and presents.  What could be more joyful than giving or receiving a magical surprise?

I find so much joy in people sharing their stories honestly with one another.  Infinite Learners, is a great family blog where the mom shares openly and honestly about their life.

I encourage you to visit these sites and make a conscious effort to be more joyful this year too.

I’m wishing you joy.

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Community

February 5, 2010 by guidedsolutions

“Each of us is a being in himself and a being in society, each of us needs to understand himself and understand others, take care of others and be taken care of himself.”  ~Haniel Long

When I moved out of the city to a smaller community, I left my neighbourhood of six years where knew three neighbours.  The day I moved to my small town, I met four neighbours, including one who helped carry in boxes, and by the end of the week, I knew the names of everyone on the block.   I felt like I was part of a community. 

When my father passed away, those same neighbours cleaned my house and stocked my fridge with food.  They’ve helped me build a fence, shovel us out in bad snowstorms and assisted with little tasks here and there.  I’ve helped out many of those neighbours too, taking care of dogs while they’re away, shovelling snow, cooking meals for families and babysitting or receiving packages for those who are away.

I have also found communities online, making new friends that I connect with daily, I now talk to many of them on the phone, and some I’ve even travelled across two countries to meet.

It feels good to be part of a community.  It feels wonderful to know there are others out there who care, someone who is willing to lend a helping hand, people with a whole different set of skills or knowledge who are willing to share at a moment’s notice.  And, it feels good to help others and feel like I am adding something positive to another person’s experience.  It connects us.

I am so grateful for all the people in the varied communities in my life.  Friends, family, neighbours and virtual friendships.  It is this connection with others, sharing of stories, resources, knowledge and love that nurtures me in a deeply profound way.  Community is what strengthens us and offers great value to our lives.

Community reminds us that we are connected to everyone and everything.  Community reminds us that we are more alike than we often realize.  Community helps us be the best version of ourselves.  Community brings us together and we could use a little more of that.

Thank you for being part of my community.

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Simplify

January 20, 2010 by guidedsolutions

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness. ” ~Henry David Thoreau

We have made our lives so complicated. 

We all just want to be happy.

But in our search for happiness, we’ve made it complicated by concluding that we’d only be happy when we have something else.  So we search for joy in our relationships, in our careers, in our acquisition of things and we have missed the fact that feeling happy comes from within.

I encourage you to simplify your life today. 

Instead of looking to things to bring happiness to you…look for the happiness in you so you see it in all things.

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You Get to Choose

January 13, 2010 by guidedsolutions

“What you get to choose today is who you are and who you choose to be, and what you wish to experience in your life.”  – Neale Donald Walsch

I am feeling so inspired by this quote this morning.  Could there be anything more freeing than to realize that everyday, we wake up and get to choose who we are and what we want to experience in life?  It is incredibly powerful to know that in each and every moment, we are the ones who are in control of how our life is going to go not someone else or something external to us.

Many of us place restrictions on ourselves or make excuses why we can’t have what we want.  We say things like, “I’d like to do this, but I don’t have the time, money, resources, skills…..”  Each of these things are external and when we continue to focus on our inability to have those things, we continue to feel powerless over our life and unhappy.  But what if it’s not about these things we want?

Everything we want in life…more success, a relationship, more money, to lose weight, a new job, a new home, travel, better health, more friends…is not really about the ‘thing we want’ so much as the feeling(s) we believe we’ll feel when we have it.  We believe a relationship will make us feel happier, loved, accepted.  But really, the relationship is only the means to the end…with the end being us feeling happiness, love & acceptance.

So, what if we turned things on their head a little and instead of focusing on all the ‘things’ we want and don’t yet have (which makes us feel like we aren’t in control of our lives), what if we take the ‘thing’ out of the equation and just focus on feeling whatever feelings it is we are hoping to have when we get the ‘thing.’  It is possible (even if not always easy) to feel an emotion regardless of the circumstances.  We’ve all heard that multi-millionnaires often feel like they don’t have enough money and likewise, there are people who have very little and if you asked them, they’d say they are rich beyond measure.  It’s not about the money, it’s about what we choose to focus on and what we choose to feel.

Me being able to choose who I am and what life I want to live feels incredibly powerful.  Today, I can feel whatever it is I want to feel, whether I have something specific relating to that in my life already or not.  I get to choose the path I am walking, I get to choose the emotions I’m feeling, I get to choose what life I want to live.

Are you living the life you choose?  Are you the person you want to be? 

I challenge you to spend a little time shifting your thinking and feeling the feelings you want regardless of what you have or don’t have in your life and see what happens.

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Being Present

January 12, 2010 by guidedsolutions

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.  Thich Nhat Hanh

We get so busy in our lives we often forget to be present.  We forget to slow things down for ourselves and when we don’t make time to do that, we are rarely able to offer our undivided time and attention to anyone else.

It is easy to be distracted by everything surrounding us.  We have machines and gizmo’s aplenty offering ways to constantly distract us.  But it seems in doing so, we are missing something so incredibly important…our time spent with ourselves and others.  Being present and making time to connect with those around us is something that’s truly irreplaceable and affects us on a deeper, more soulful level.

We all have a need to connect and giving or receiving our undivided time and attention to another person is a true gift, for everyone involved. 

It is rare, these days, for people to come together without a cell phone, blackberry or other device ready to alert us to other things or people also looking for our attention.  And, because of the busy nature of our culture, when we do make time for someone, we are distracted by what is happening elsewhere or our interaction is overshadowed by the task we just left, the one we’re off to do later, or lingering thoughts from other events.  But what is this costing us in our personal and relational lives?  Everytime we interrupt our interactions with others, it prevents us from really connecting which is something we all need. 

Thinking about creating time can sometimes feels stressful because we haven’t taken the time to be present in our own lives first.  But when I give myself the time to be present and then take that to someone else, the rewards and benefits are so great, I often ask myself why I don’t do it more often.  And not only do I enjoy it more, but I then carry that renewed sense of self and energy back to my other tasks and find it easier to be present there too.

I have recently been reminded of the gift of connection and being present with people and it’s easy to be prsent.  It can be hours of conversation with a friend over tea, going on a date with my loved one, playing a game with my children, or it can be just taking a moment or two, in a store, to ask the clerk how their day is going and really listening while they answer.  Each time, it provides me with a little more sense of calm and delight and it enriches me in unsuspecting ways.

I encourage you to spend a little time this week really being present.  Our relationships can all benefit from more undivided time and focused attention.  A lot of conflict would be alleviated by taking more time to listen and connect with the people in our lives because we all need and love connection with others.

How often are you really present with yourself and the people in your life?

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